Special Valentines Podcast Interview

An Open Love Letter To My Valentine

                                                                   

The Luckiest Mom Podcast

Episode 252: A Love Story

Over the weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to be interviewed on The Luckiest Mom Podcast for a Valentines Day Special. I shared hilarious and awkward dating stories (Nudity in foreign films + Jello Wrestling), our famous Kiss, why I look forward to growing old with my husband, and how were embracing all the changes in our personal growth and in our relationship. I had so much fun talking with Reagen Ogle about our love story, but there were so many things I wish I would've shared but didn't get the chance to express. So here it is, my open letter to my valentine expressing all the things I wanted to say but didn't. 

To my Valentine,

First things first, I’m sorry. You told me not to share embarrassing stories but I did. I love those hilarious and cringe worthy moments, because we were young, wild and free. I love that we have those silly memories to look back on and to see how far we’ve come. Who knew Jello wrestling was a bad idea for one of our first impressions haha also who knew that our first foreign film together would lead to a LOT of nudity and misunderstood Asian cultural references. I thought I was looking pretty fly in all my spray tan glory, but bless your heart you stuck through with me during that awkward beauty moment. Speaking of which, thank you for falling in love with me whether I was Blonde, Brunette, Red, Raven Black, and finally bubblegum pink. Its not about falling in love with appearances, you thought I was beautiful inside and out. Thank you for seeing me through all my experimental hair days. 

2009 was a different time of BIG hair and Orange Spray tans

Proof that Yes I Jello wrestled, and yep it was epic

I wish I would’ve mentioned how important our SPOT is in Julia Davis Park in Downtown Boise. We said I love you on that park bench under the stars. That’s where you proposed to me only a few months later. And eventually that’s where we took our kids for a picnic 5 years after those monumental declarations of love. I still listen to the CD I made you entitled "Our SPOT mix". 

DTR'D on our Bench at our SPOT

When I talked about how we stay in love 8 years later, I did a poor job explaining that falling in love is chance, but staying in love is a choice. It was chance encounters that brought us together, but it’s every day choices that keep us together. Without fail, you kiss me goodbye for work every morning! That means all of my gross morning breath has been yours for the taking Every. Single. Day. 365 days a year, for 8 years. The choice to slow dance during the ending credits of movies always makes me smile. The choice to hold my hand and wipe my tears on Sentimental Saturday’s makes me that much more in love with you; despite showing me inspirational YouTube videos of rescue animals, athletes beating cancer, and the ever favorite YouTube genre of feminism and women supporting other women. You love to make me cry. The choice to love you in the good times and in the bad times is why our relationship is so strong, you have a front row seat to all my crazy but instead of walking away, you simply grab the popcorn and watch it unfold. 

I wish I would’ve explained why I look forward to all the boring and mundane moments of life with you. You are my best friend, and there’s no one I’d rather fall asleep on the couch with. There’s no one I’d rather be elbow deep in diaper changes with then you. I want to grow old together. I wish I could’ve detailed my reasons for my Valentines gift this year with better clarity. I bought us the flower beds and seeds because I want to grow together. I want our relationship to blossom and thrive as we nourish it. You are important to me and I want to tend our garden so our family grows healthy and strong. 

Lastly I want to talk to you about change. I love the man I first fell in love with, and I love the man you’ve become. We’ve both grown in so many different ways and it’s unfair to fantasize about the good old days of who we used to be. You love me for me and I love you for you and that’s all that matters. When I died my hair pink without telling you, you didn’t hesitate to tell me I looked beautiful. When I spoke out about women’s rights and the feminist movement, you got right behind me as my own personal cheerleader. And when we both knew how hard Motherhood was for me, you didn’t hesitate to support me in seeking the help I needed. You are my best friend and the only one I want to spend my happily ever after with. I want us to keep changing, growing, and finding ourselves as we continue our relationship for years to come. 

Mr. Ames you are my forever Valentine. Thank you for the life we’ve built together and giving me two wonderful and crazy children. I love our little Ames Wolfpack and look forward to all the grand adventures that are in store for us!

Sincerely,

your forever Valentine

Special Valentines Podcast Interview

An Open Love Letter To My Valentine

                                                                   

The Luckiest Mom Podcast

Episode 252: A Love Story

Over the weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to be interviewed on The Luckiest Mom Podcast for a Valentines Day Special. I shared hilarious and awkward dating stories (Nudity in foreign films + Jello Wrestling), our famous Kiss, why I look forward to growing old with my husband, and how were embracing all the changes in our personal growth and in our relationship. I had so much fun talking with Reagen Ogle about our love story, but there were so many things I wish I would've shared but didn't get the chance to express. So here it is, my open letter to my valentine expressing all the things I wanted to say but didn't. 

To my Valentine,

First things first, I’m sorry. You told me not to share embarrassing stories but I did. I love those hilarious and cringe worthy moments, because we were young, wild and free. I love that we have those silly memories to look back on and to see how far we’ve come. Who knew Jello wrestling was a bad idea for one of our first impressions haha also who knew that our first foreign film together would lead to a LOT of nudity and misunderstood Asian cultural references. I thought I was looking pretty fly in all my spray tan glory, but bless your heart you stuck through with me during that awkward beauty moment. Speaking of which, thank you for falling in love with me whether I was Blonde, Brunette, Red, Raven Black, and finally bubblegum pink. Its not about falling in love with appearances, you thought I was beautiful inside and out. Thank you for seeing me through all my experimental hair days. 

2009 was a different time of BIG hair and Orange Spray tans

Proof that Yes I Jello wrestled, and yep it was epic

I wish I would’ve mentioned how important our SPOT is in Julia Davis Park in Downtown Boise. We said I love you on that park bench under the stars. That’s where you proposed to me only a few months later. And eventually that’s where we took our kids for a picnic 5 years after those monumental declarations of love. I still listen to the CD I made you entitled "Our SPOT mix". 

DTR'D on our Bench at our SPOT

When I talked about how we stay in love 8 years later, I did a poor job explaining that falling in love is chance, but staying in love is a choice. It was chance encounters that brought us together, but it’s every day choices that keep us together. Without fail, you kiss me goodbye for work every morning! That means all of my gross morning breath has been yours for the taking Every. Single. Day. 365 days a year, for 8 years. The choice to slow dance during the ending credits of movies always makes me smile. The choice to hold my hand and wipe my tears on Sentimental Saturday’s makes me that much more in love with you; despite showing me inspirational YouTube videos of rescue animals, athletes beating cancer, and the ever favorite YouTube genre of feminism and women supporting other women. You love to make me cry. The choice to love you in the good times and in the bad times is why our relationship is so strong, you have a front row seat to all my crazy but instead of walking away, you simply grab the popcorn and watch it unfold. 

I wish I would’ve explained why I look forward to all the boring and mundane moments of life with you. You are my best friend, and there’s no one I’d rather fall asleep on the couch with. There’s no one I’d rather be elbow deep in diaper changes with then you. I want to grow old together. I wish I could’ve detailed my reasons for my Valentines gift this year with better clarity. I bought us the flower beds and seeds because I want to grow together. I want our relationship to blossom and thrive as we nourish it. You are important to me and I want to tend our garden so our family grows healthy and strong. 

Lastly I want to talk to you about change. I love the man I first fell in love with, and I love the man you’ve become. We’ve both grown in so many different ways and it’s unfair to fantasize about the good old days of who we used to be. You love me for me and I love you for you and that’s all that matters. When I died my hair pink without telling you, you didn’t hesitate to tell me I looked beautiful. When I spoke out about women’s rights and the feminist movement, you got right behind me as my own personal cheerleader. And when we both knew how hard Motherhood was for me, you didn’t hesitate to support me in seeking the help I needed. You are my best friend and the only one I want to spend my happily ever after with. I want us to keep changing, growing, and finding ourselves as we continue our relationship for years to come. 

Mr. Ames you are my forever Valentine. Thank you for the life we’ve built together and giving me two wonderful and crazy children. I love our little Ames Wolfpack and look forward to all the grand adventures that are in store for us!

Sincerely,

your forever Valentine

Poop Face Mom

poopface

(n.)A term of endearment used between two people who are so enamored with one another that they do not care that the other one is stinky. Used in the place of babu, schnookums, and pooky.

The endearments back and forth between myself and my children are an eclectic mix between "Sweet love, my ting ting, and poop face". Oh to be 4 years old and insult your mother like a champ! I regularly get told I am a Poop Face Mom (multiple times a day, mind you) and I'm owning it. I declare from this day forth that I am a proud Poop Face Parent and no matter the variation or severity of poop names that get yelled my way, I am taking them as a compliment.

It's a compliment to my skills in parenting that my son gets angry at me for running a tight ship. I am the Bad Cop to my Husbands Good Cop, and I love it. I get to "shut it down" whenever I like and even though I'm the fun parent, I'm also the best at what I do! I am that maniacal parent who gets sweet joy out of my children's suffering haha... oh my kids dont want to go to bed, well too bad! Cue evil laughter and lightning strikes! Oh you wanted ice cream for dinner??? NOPE! Shut it down! Bless their hearts, they think they can get away with anything but I'm here to tell ya, that when Mom puts on her Poop Face Pants... Its. About. To. Go. Down. 

I bring this topic up because yesterday Brody yelled at me in front of my friend and called me names like  Poop Face Mom, Poopy Butt, and some mixture of Face Butt Fart Head. Ya know, real classy stuff. I could've been mortified by my sons behavior and disciplined him right then and there for talking back to me, but instead, my friend and I just busted out laughing! Bless him, he was so upset and did his best to express himself, and for that I applaud his efforts! I applaud him for expressing his anger, and not fighting his emotions. I applaud him for working through his anger. It's hard to express the big feelings we feel in our tiny bodies, and especially when your'e confused about why your'e angry (btw he was angry because I answered the front door.... #firstworldproblems) and you just want Mom to pay attention to you. 

Bless him, that boy is gonna turn me grey before I hit 30 but I sure do love him. I love the way he challenges me, I love how he finds creative ways to express himself. I love that he wants to go on mommy adventures to get Dr. Pepper and go to Target. I love that he wants mom to cuddle him every night. And I love the way he calls me Tess, and not Mom. He is a handful and I defiantly have my work cut out for me but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm learning to love my poop face mommy moments because it means I am doing something right. My Mom life is beautiful and ugly and hard... oh man are some of the days SO hard... but its my poop face life and I love it! I own all of the good and the bad! So I challenge you to embrace all your poop face moments and revel in the excitement and joy that is great parenting! All my Poop Face Moms UNITE!

Poop Face Mom

poopface

(n.)A term of endearment used between two people who are so enamored with one another that they do not care that the other one is stinky. Used in the place of babu, schnookums, and pooky.

The endearments back and forth between myself and my children are an eclectic mix between "Sweet love, my ting ting, and poop face". Oh to be 4 years old and insult your mother like a champ! I regularly get told I am a Poop Face Mom (multiple times a day, mind you) and I'm owning it. I declare from this day forth that I am a proud Poop Face Parent and no matter the variation or severity of poop names that get yelled my way, I am taking them as a compliment.

It's a compliment to my skills in parenting that my son gets angry at me for running a tight ship. I am the Bad Cop to my Husbands Good Cop, and I love it. I get to "shut it down" whenever I like and even though I'm the fun parent, I'm also the best at what I do! I am that maniacal parent who gets sweet joy out of my children's suffering haha... oh my kids dont want to go to bed, well too bad! Cue evil laughter and lightning strikes! Oh you wanted ice cream for dinner??? NOPE! Shut it down! Bless their hearts, they think they can get away with anything but I'm here to tell ya, that when Mom puts on her Poop Face Pants... Its. About. To. Go. Down. 

I bring this topic up because yesterday Brody yelled at me in front of my friend and called me names like  Poop Face Mom, Poopy Butt, and some mixture of Face Butt Fart Head. Ya know, real classy stuff. I could've been mortified by my sons behavior and disciplined him right then and there for talking back to me, but instead, my friend and I just busted out laughing! Bless him, he was so upset and did his best to express himself, and for that I applaud his efforts! I applaud him for expressing his anger, and not fighting his emotions. I applaud him for working through his anger. It's hard to express the big feelings we feel in our tiny bodies, and especially when your'e confused about why your'e angry (btw he was angry because I answered the front door.... #firstworldproblems) and you just want Mom to pay attention to you. 

Bless him, that boy is gonna turn me grey before I hit 30 but I sure do love him. I love the way he challenges me, I love how he finds creative ways to express himself. I love that he wants to go on mommy adventures to get Dr. Pepper and go to Target. I love that he wants mom to cuddle him every night. And I love the way he calls me Tess, and not Mom. He is a handful and I defiantly have my work cut out for me but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm learning to love my poop face mommy moments because it means I am doing something right. My Mom life is beautiful and ugly and hard... oh man are some of the days SO hard... but its my poop face life and I love it! I own all of the good and the bad! So I challenge you to embrace all your poop face moments and revel in the excitement and joy that is great parenting! All my Poop Face Moms UNITE!

You Are Not Alone: God Gave Those Little Children To You, Mama...YOU

2018 Parenting Motto's + Making peace with our Son's diagnosis

Parenting is tough. Hands down the most difficult task I've faced so far, it is beautiful, chaotic, exhausting and exhilarating. Add a strong willed child or two, and a Chromosome Disorder.... and by the end of one day I'm about ready to throw in the towel. I love my children but I find that my reactions to their behavior, can bring out the worst and best of me.  After an especially difficult day, I ran across this beautiful quote and my entire perspective changed.

"God gave those little children to you, mama- YOU. No one can mother them like you can. You may have your work cut out for you, but your'e the one cut out to accomplish it." - Erin Odom

This quote spoke to my soul, it made such an impact on me that I decided it was my 2018 Parenting Motto. I plan on getting a custom calligraphy print of it soon by my beautiful graphic designer, artist and friend, Carly Allred. I've been reading No Drama Discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nature your child's developing mind, and it has made a huge impact on how I parent my children and understanding the root of emotional outbursts and improper behaviors. It's been an eye opening read and has given me a fresh perspective on parenting my lovely yet high strung kids. No Drama Discipline is a book I recommend to every single parent out there, you can fully expect to receive one for your Birthday or as Christmas present from me in the near future. 

Between my parenting motto and reading several parenting books, you would think I would be all set to rock this whole "Motherhood" thing....but a last, theres one piece missing to my Perfect Parenting Triangle. That is support. I belong to an awesome 20q13.33 Support Group , run by Christina Steckley, a parent of a child with this rare chromosome disorder.  It is a simple yet effective online support group for parents and caretakers of children with 20q13.33. I've been apart of it for a couple of years now and love learning about how other children are doing, what medications are helping, and updates on advocating for the overall health and wellness of children with disabilities.

An especially important advocate for disabilities is Collin Farrell. Yep, tall dark and handsome is a parent to a son with Angelmans Syndrome. My support group posted a great article written by Ellen Stumbo from The Mighty, entitled "Colin Farrell Offers Advice to Parents Navigating Their Child's New Diagnosis". It was an inspirational read that gave me so many eye opening revelations. It was such a comfort to know I was not alone. That there are other parents out there who understand the struggles and the triumphs of raising a son or daughter with special needs or other difficulties. One quote in particular made me stop and cry on the spot. Farrell expressed my husband and I's  feelings to a T after we got Brody's diagnosis. 

“I would humbly say to parents of a child with a recent diagnosis of any disorder that while they may well be experiencing the death of one dream, that dream of having a healthy child, there are a thousand dreams and milestones that are yet to reveal themselves.”

I won't go into the sorrows I felt or the dreams we had for our child  that were suddenly shattered. That is an emotional post for another time, but rather I'd like to focus on how I felt after the initial diagnosis and how I coped with it's short and long term affects.

The moment our Geneticist told us our sons diagnosis, I was equal parts relieved and devastated.  Months turned into years of slow milestone progression. Everything was so much harder for Brody and it hurt my heart to watch him struggle. Even now, years later when Brody is having a difficult time with a task it's hard for me to stay optimistic in our long term goals for his well being. I'm ashamed of these thoughts, and though I wish I could always look on the bright side, when I am having a particular tough day I tend to live in the sorrow of the moment. I've expressed these feelings to close friends and family and have benefited from their love and advice, but a part of me still feels a slight disconnect with them. 

Is it wrong for me to be jealous of the neighbor next door who's daughter, who is the same age as my son, draws stick figure families, suns and rainbows and writes her name with chalk on my driveway? I watch the two friends play together, while one is engaged in imaginary tales of her drawings, I look over at my son happily scribbling in his own little world. His art is different, his creativity is his own, and I wish with all my heart that he would engage in "normal" play with his peers, but thats just not my son. He is different and I'm still learning to embrace what that means for him and our family. Comparing apples to oranges hasn't got me anywhere and certainly won't aid in how I parent now. It's these little moments of disconnect that get me down, but thankfully they are just moments. A fleeting thought of jealousy isn't becoming, but at least it's fleeting. In the Mighty article, Farrell encourages parents to reach out to one another for support and solidarity. It is by doing so that we can bridge the disconnect we feel between ourselves and neurotypical parents and children.

“Only you will ever know truly what it is to feel what you feel, but you will recognize yourself in the struggles and triumphs of others when you hear their stories.”

That connection is what I had been searching for after our 20q13.33 diagnosis, I needed to know I wasn't alone. The support groups I've found online have helped my family tremendously, just knowing that there are parents around the world sharing my struggles, triumphs and pains gave me lasting hope. Little information can be found about my sons diagnosis, but through the use of the advocate groups, our local team of Doctors and medical resources found online, I know we are one step closer to helping my son and others with rare chromosome disorders. Such disorders can't be cured, but they can be understood. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can open the conversation about disabilities without any bias or reservations. We are all unique and different, and that is what makes us special. I hope that it will be our differences that set us apart but our commonalities that draw us together. 

My overall hope would be for us all to be a little kinder this year. Regardless of whatever personal or family motto you pick for 2018, may you include the goal to be courageous and kind. Kindness goes along way in parenting and even further when taught to our children. Remember, you are not alone. God gave those children to you mama, and only you. Be brave, be true and be kind.  

Have courage and be kind

 To the Parent, be a little kinder to yourself; you are doing your best, and you must remember that each day brings a new sun and a new opportunity to be your best self.

 To the Child, be kind to others. Keep an open mind and an open heart and you'll be sure to go far. Everyone needs a friend and you are just the person to start that friendship. 

To the Stranger, we are all fighting our own battles, though some aren't as apparent as others, always show kindness before judgement. Be considerate in your actions.

You Are Not Alone: God Gave Those Little Children To You, Mama...YOU

2018 Parenting Motto's + Making peace with our Son's diagnosis

Parenting is tough. Hands down the most difficult task I've faced so far, it is beautiful, chaotic, exhausting and exhilarating. Add a strong willed child or two, and a Chromosome Disorder.... and by the end of one day I'm about ready to throw in the towel. I love my children but I find that my reactions to their behavior, can bring out the worst and best of me.  After an especially difficult day, I ran across this beautiful quote and my entire perspective changed.

"God gave those little children to you, mama- YOU. No one can mother them like you can. You may have your work cut out for you, but your'e the one cut out to accomplish it." - Erin Odom

This quote spoke to my soul, it made such an impact on me that I decided it was my 2018 Parenting Motto. I plan on getting a custom calligraphy print of it soon by my beautiful graphic designer, artist and friend, Carly Allred. I've been reading No Drama Discipline: The whole-brain way to calm the chaos and nature your child's developing mind, and it has made a huge impact on how I parent my children and understanding the root of emotional outbursts and improper behaviors. It's been an eye opening read and has given me a fresh perspective on parenting my lovely yet high strung kids. No Drama Discipline is a book I recommend to every single parent out there, you can fully expect to receive one for your Birthday or as Christmas present from me in the near future. 

Between my parenting motto and reading several parenting books, you would think I would be all set to rock this whole "Motherhood" thing....but a last, theres one piece missing to my Perfect Parenting Triangle. That is support. I belong to an awesome 20q13.33 Support Group , run by Christina Steckley, a parent of a child with this rare chromosome disorder.  It is a simple yet effective online support group for parents and caretakers of children with 20q13.33. I've been apart of it for a couple of years now and love learning about how other children are doing, what medications are helping, and updates on advocating for the overall health and wellness of children with disabilities.

An especially important advocate for disabilities is Collin Farrell. Yep, tall dark and handsome is a parent to a son with Angelmans Syndrome. My support group posted a great article written by Ellen Stumbo from The Mighty, entitled "Colin Farrell Offers Advice to Parents Navigating Their Child's New Diagnosis". It was an inspirational read that gave me so many eye opening revelations. It was such a comfort to know I was not alone. That there are other parents out there who understand the struggles and the triumphs of raising a son or daughter with special needs or other difficulties. One quote in particular made me stop and cry on the spot. Farrell expressed my husband and I's  feelings to a T after we got Brody's diagnosis. 

“I would humbly say to parents of a child with a recent diagnosis of any disorder that while they may well be experiencing the death of one dream, that dream of having a healthy child, there are a thousand dreams and milestones that are yet to reveal themselves.”

I won't go into the sorrows I felt or the dreams we had for our child  that were suddenly shattered. That is an emotional post for another time, but rather I'd like to focus on how I felt after the initial diagnosis and how I coped with it's short and long term affects.

The moment our Geneticist told us our sons diagnosis, I was equal parts relieved and devastated.  Months turned into years of slow milestone progression. Everything was so much harder for Brody and it hurt my heart to watch him struggle. Even now, years later when Brody is having a difficult time with a task it's hard for me to stay optimistic in our long term goals for his well being. I'm ashamed of these thoughts, and though I wish I could always look on the bright side, when I am having a particular tough day I tend to live in the sorrow of the moment. I've expressed these feelings to close friends and family and have benefited from their love and advice, but a part of me still feels a slight disconnect with them. 

Is it wrong for me to be jealous of the neighbor next door who's daughter, who is the same age as my son, draws stick figure families, suns and rainbows and writes her name with chalk on my driveway? I watch the two friends play together, while one is engaged in imaginary tales of her drawings, I look over at my son happily scribbling in his own little world. His art is different, his creativity is his own, and I wish with all my heart that he would engage in "normal" play with his peers, but thats just not my son. He is different and I'm still learning to embrace what that means for him and our family. Comparing apples to oranges hasn't got me anywhere and certainly won't aid in how I parent now. It's these little moments of disconnect that get me down, but thankfully they are just moments. A fleeting thought of jealousy isn't becoming, but at least it's fleeting. In the Mighty article, Farrell encourages parents to reach out to one another for support and solidarity. It is by doing so that we can bridge the disconnect we feel between ourselves and neurotypical parents and children.

“Only you will ever know truly what it is to feel what you feel, but you will recognize yourself in the struggles and triumphs of others when you hear their stories.”

That connection is what I had been searching for after our 20q13.33 diagnosis, I needed to know I wasn't alone. The support groups I've found online have helped my family tremendously, just knowing that there are parents around the world sharing my struggles, triumphs and pains gave me lasting hope. Little information can be found about my sons diagnosis, but through the use of the advocate groups, our local team of Doctors and medical resources found online, I know we are one step closer to helping my son and others with rare chromosome disorders. Such disorders can't be cured, but they can be understood. My hope is that by sharing my experiences, I can open the conversation about disabilities without any bias or reservations. We are all unique and different, and that is what makes us special. I hope that it will be our differences that set us apart but our commonalities that draw us together. 

My overall hope would be for us all to be a little kinder this year. Regardless of whatever personal or family motto you pick for 2018, may you include the goal to be courageous and kind. Kindness goes along way in parenting and even further when taught to our children. Remember, you are not alone. God gave those children to you mama, and only you. Be brave, be true and be kind.  

Have courage and be kind

 To the Parent, be a little kinder to yourself; you are doing your best, and you must remember that each day brings a new sun and a new opportunity to be your best self.

 To the Child, be kind to others. Keep an open mind and an open heart and you'll be sure to go far. Everyone needs a friend and you are just the person to start that friendship. 

To the Stranger, we are all fighting our own battles, though some aren't as apparent as others, always show kindness before judgement. Be considerate in your actions.